Pity Party of One...

    Being a Christian can be so hard. I've skipped a couple weeks of posting because I have been stuck in this state of self pity where everything either makes me sad, annoys me, or sadly makes me sort of mad. So I couldn't bring myself to be creative and write about something positive and happy when I'm currently not. Plain and simple.
    I am three days from turning 22 and Taylor Swift couldn't have said it better in her song "I'm feeling 22". "We're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time." I am literally happy all the time, no matter what is going on I can shove it in a drawer and put a smile on. I am for sure confused about a lot of things and have never felt more alone in my life.
    Once upon a time two summers ago, I had three really good friends. We did so much together all summer. Now a hop skip and a jump to the present, I have a completely different lifestyle than all of them now that I am involved in and going to church every Sunday. The three of them are still best friends but I have been dropped and everything just became so shady. It's all very frustrating because I've tried staying in contact, tried to hang out with them but friendship has to come from both sides equally and I just wasn't getting the response back. The most frustrating? (and silliest) I have a list of movies I want to see in theaters and all of a sudden don't have any one to go see them with and I can't face going to see all of them by myself right now.
    So like I said before, I am three days away from 22 years old. I am now friendless and so terrible at making friends. Somehow at Disney last summer I managed to make two forever friends and a lot of acquaintances but I know people that did the college program that have 15+ forever friends. I just have no social game whatsoever. So I guess it's almost time once again to throw myself 150% into school and distract myself completely.
    So I've had way too much free time this summer to think about this, causing this three week long state of self pity but the last couple of days I've also remembered that I am a new person and have someone I can look to with my problems that can take them away for me. But since a few days ago, I was closed up and forgetting that I could pray my problems away. I'm still finding myself closing up for various reasons but I am remembering who can get me through it. I'm praying for patience because I know everything happens for a reason and if I am patient then I will one day have Christian friends like me that understand the happiness that comes with being saved. I am also praying for strength to get me out of this terrible state of self pity and sadness.
    It's really hard being a Christian especially when you are all caught up in your head full of problems not feeling God in your heart wanting to take care of it for you. Being a new Christian is even harder because I am still trying to learn about things. I still haven't read the Bible all the way through because I have to read it on my phone app in New Living Translation just so I can understand it. King James Version just doesn't make sense to me and I feel bad because I can't quote any scripture since what I am reading is completely different words than what everyone else quotes. It is very frustrating but God never promised for it to be easy. This is still the best life has ever been even with my three week long inner struggles. So if I can use my sad, happy, confused, lonely self to still promote being positive then I guess this is God using me because I haven't felt like writing for two weeks and then yesterday I thought of writing about my pity party and how it could still be a positive spin to someone.
    Please, if you feel the way I do currently, lift you eyes up and let Him in. He can and will make it better.
#StayHappy
#StayStrong
#BePatient
#CheckPlease

'Merica!

Happy Independence Day week Everyone!

Short and sweet post this week! Just my favorite song for Independence Day and the Pledge of Allegiance!


"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."


Lee Greenwood Proud to be an American-

 If tomorrow all the things were gone
I’d worked for all my life
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife

I’d thank my lucky stars
to be livin here today
‘ Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can’t take that away

And I’m proud to be an American
where at least I know I’m free
And I wont forget the men who died
who gave that right to me

And I gladly stand up
next to you and defend her still today
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA

From the lakes of Minnesota
to the hills of Tennessee
Across the plains of Texas
From sea to shining sea

From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart
and its time we stand and say

That I’m proud to be an American
where at least I know I’m free
And I wont forget the men who died
who gave that right to me

And I gladly stand up
next to you and defend her still today
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA

And I’m proud to be and American
where at least I know I’m free
And I wont forget the men who died
who gave that right to me

And I gladly stand up
next to you and defend her still today
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA

Lyrics from http://www.elyrics.net

 

 

This song always takes me back to when I was 8 years old singing it in the one and only play I was actually in. Everyone of all different ages had to dress in red, white and blue and sing this. I also sang baby face in another scene of the play. I know if you really know me you are stuck on the fact that I was IN a play SINGING right? Yeah me too...

 

 

Well everyone, enjoy the fireworks! I won't be able to see any this year but to stay positive I am remembering this time last year I was seeing fireworks almost every night for 6 months straight at Disney World!

See ya next week!

#StayHappy